Diary of a Turtle

dear diary, 
  
   I'm in the corner of the forest.
I'm on my way to the sidewalk. I'm 
on my way to catch a piece of yogurt 
a human dropped on the sidewalk. Oooo,
now I see a cheesecake!!!!!! I have to 
get it! But I have to get the yogurt 
first! Oh this is heaven! I'm now 
gulping down all that sweet yogurt!
   Oh, now I'm on my way to the cheesecake.
Running, running... YES! I got it! I
got my cheesecake!!!!!!! I'm sooooooo
happy! The cheesecake is mine, mine, 
I tell you MINE!!!!!!! Oh, boy this 
little human girl found me and now I'm 
being taken down to the chambers of guilt!>_<
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, whats this? They are putting me in a 
bucket?! This is so not a way to treat a 
delicate, handsome, charming turtle!
They will probably cook me up to make 
turtle soup! What they are giving me a tomato?
They are giving me broccoli? They are 
giving me... Oooo a strawberry!!!!
I think instead of giving me tomato and 
broccoli they should of gave me human food 
like pizza and cookies! Ok, so maybe the food
might be poisonous but how do you know 
unless you try? Just because the internet says i 
EAT something does not mean I LIKE it. If I 
was stranded in the middle of the desert I would 
EAT it. But that does not mean I would LIKE it. 
See your in the desert, and thats the only food 
there so your might  as well eat it. see what I mean?
If a little baby eats asparagus its not because he 
likes it its because he is really hungry and 
there is no other food on his plate! See people 
are not that smart, they think if you give us 
something we will suddenly eat it. Well that is 
sooo not true. You know they say turtles are 
omnivorous but I have never harmed an animal in 
my life! I mean I've had other animals harm me. 
Like that time when that big feathery owl swooped 
from the air and tried to catch me, or that time 
when I was swimming in the pond peacefully and a 
huge snake full of scales popped out of nowhere, 
ooooo maybe that time when i was so close to dieing 
but the big hairy bear had a flea and was busy scratching 
his snout. But i never hurt any animal ever! Well there was 
a time when i killed a fly because he was bothering me 
so much but other than that I've harmed no other animal.